Being a Mom to Two - Questions and Answers

Back in May, a couple bloggers I follow did a series on having two kids - Beth Ann and Natalie along with another blogger Rachel.  It was perfect timing seeing as how I was about to bring our second child into this world.  I really appreciated the questions that were addressed and their answers.  Some of them as simple as “who do you get in/out of the car first?”  Hmm, I had to think about that for a second before I had two kids.  Now, it’s an afterthought.  I wanted to share my two cents with many of the questions they brought up now that I’m two months in.  I’m sure these answers may change over time, hell they may change day to day.  But today…here are my responses.

What is your favorite thing about having two kids? 

I still don’t feel like I’m a mom to two.  I felt like I was just getting comfortable being called a mom period, but now a mom of two?  That will take some getting used to.  My favorite thing is seeing the two of them together and picturing them growing up close.  I think I forget that Drake is more than a son; he’s also a brother. 

What has been the hardest thing about having 2 kids so far? 

We often wondered what we did with our time before one kid, and now we say the same thing about two.  The hardest for me is feeling stuck at home when it’s just me alone with the kids (more on that later).

Are you doing anything different with your second child than with your first?

Yes; the main things are this time I am breastfeeding and because of that we are co-sleeping.  I never thought we would be a co-sleeping family, but so far it’s working for us.  I also think I have less anxiety this time around about the crying.  He is fussier, but most of the time I think I handle it better than I did with Chloe. And lastly, I’m just doing what feels right with him.  Many people say to only give the breast if you are nursing.  Well, we started Drake on bottles early on and gave him a pacifier.  Many people say don’t let them sleep with blankets.  Well, Drake sleeps with a blanket.  I’m not nearly as worried about things in general this time as I was with Chloe.

Do you feel like you are 'better' at having a baby since you already had one? 

This is a hard one to answer.  I want to say yes because I’ve been through it before.  But each kid is their own person and has their own likes and dislikes.  Chloe didn’t like the swing; Drake does.  Chloe wasn’t fussy and we could take her out anywhere and not worry; Drake is fussy so it makes us not want to leave the house too often, especially alone with both kids.

When do you have special alone time with your first? Do you even get alone time with your first that much anymore?

This is something we knew was very important and I’ve touched on in other posts.  We started Chloe in gymnastics and I’m always the one to take her, or if we all go, I’m the one to help her through the activities.  I try and sit with her at the table for all of her meals, but sometimes the baby is in my arms.  When she gets up for the day and Drake is taking his morning nap, she and I will go outside and play.  We also plan to have someone come watch Drake one day soon and take Chloe to the children’s museum. 

Do you ever feel like your first isn't getting near the attention anymore?

Absolutely, and it makes me sad.  Drake is a needy baby and likes to be held.  Since I’m nursing, it seems like those are the times Chloe wants something and I have to tell her to hold on a minute or no.  I love when he happens to be sleeping when Chloe is getting ready for bed, and I get to go in with JJ and wind down with her at the end of the day like we used to.  We all just play in her room and I can tell she loves that time when it’s just the three of us.

Are there jealousy issues?

I don’t think there are jealousy issues so much with me, but I’ve seen it with JJ.  He doesn’t hold the baby that often, but there have been a few times when he’s had him and Chloe has actually started crying.  She’ll also crawl into his co-sleeper, or sit in his bouncy seat…is that jealousy?

Is it even possible to get them both to nap at the same time?

Yes, and this actually happens most days.  It’s nothing that I’m doing on purpose other than the fact that Drake sleeps a lot.  It’s not too hard for the two naps to overlap.  And boy is it heavenly when they do!! J

If the toddler doesn't nap when the baby naps, how do you follow the old 'sleep when the baby sleeps' advice?

There have only been a few days that Chloe hasn’t slept and it’s because we’ve been out doing something.  We’ve been known to put her down for a nap around 6 pm just to get a little one in, but remember she doesn’t go to bed till 10 pm…or later lately.

Do you think baby #2 just has to be more go with the flow or do you really try to stick to a schedule like you did/if you did with baby #1?

So far there isn’t a schedule with him.  We probably need to start working on that a little more now as I prepare to go back to work.  I would say he is not as go with the flow just because we are a little nervous to take him out places for fear of him crying.

How do you deal with scheduling around both of their naps? Does the younger one just nap whenever, wherever?

As I’ve mentioned before, we don’t go too many places with both kids.  If one of us has to go somewhere, we go alone and leave the other one at home with both kids or at least Drake.  He’s just too unpredictable at this point.  He doesn’t take a bottle well so JJ can’t really do it alone and I’m not too comfortable nursing in public just yet, although I could always go out to the car and I have done that a few times.

Where do you put them in the grocery cart?

We’ve done it a couple different ways.  One time Drake was in the top part in his seat and JJ had Chloe.  If we don’t need the basket part, I put Drake there in his seat and Chloe in the top part like normal.  She does like to rock him though and usually (hopefully) he’s sleeping and her rocking does not help keep him asleep!

Who do you get in the car first/out of the car first?

Depends where we are, and if I’m alone.  Usually at home I will take Chloe out to the car first, then put the baby in.  If we are out somewhere, I will put Chloe in the car first, then the baby.  When getting out of the car, I get the baby first, then Chloe.  Confused yet? Ha!

What do you do when they're both crying at the same time?

I hate these times.  I really do.  This is the one instance that will wear on my patience the fastest.  Every once in a while, Chloe will climb up on the couch and try and climb onto me when I’m either nursing Drake or trying to settle him down from a screaming fit.  I hate to admit that this can be when I yell at Chloe because I feel like I’m not getting through to her any other way.  Or I’ll turn on a cartoon or movie to occupy her until I can get the baby calmed down.  And then I ask Chloe for a kiss…because I feel bad.   

What does your older child do while you are nursing?

It’s been surprising how interested she is in me nursing or pumping.  Sometimes she will just watch, or she’s even said “oww” before.  If I’m pumping, she likes to help and hold the tubes.  For the most part though she goes about her business, playing and occupying herself or watching TV, except the few times she gets too close as I mentioned in the previous question.

How do you shower...ever?!

I have to admit, this has taken a backseat.  Since we can go days without leaving the house, that has given me a (poor) excuse not to shower.  I just showered today for the first time in…a couple days.  This has to change!  I only do it when JJ is home.

What do you do if you want to take the older one to something the second one can't do? Like zoo, circus, etc.

We all go.  So far (knock on wood) when we have gone somewhere, Drake sleeps through the whole thing, or right up until the very end.  We’ve gone to the petting zoo for Chloe and took Drake, but nothing bigger than that.  I’d like to be able to take him places assuming JJ is with me, but we also want to give Chloe some alone time with us.

How difficult is it to go anywhere with just you and the kids?

Of all places, I’ve gone to the pool and the Social Security Office alone with both kids.  The pool was great, Drake did awesome and we had a really good time.  Then after the pool, I had to run to the pediatrician’s office to get a letter and then headed to the SS office.  I didn’t expect it to be like the DMV where you have to take a number and wait.  The room was full and I almost left, but I had just woken Chloe up from a nap in the car (she never naps in the car anymore) so I wanted to try and stick it out.  Drake slept until the end and then cried the whole time I was dealing with the worker, but at least it only lasted a few minutes.  We just bought a double stroller, so I’m hoping to take them both out on my own more now.  Before, I would have him in the car seat and either let Chloe walk or I’d carry her in my other arm.

Do you give them baths at the same time?

No; although it might save time, I’m afraid that she will splash him and it will turn ugly fast.  Once he gets older though I plan to give baths together. 

Do your children share rooms and if so how does that work or are you planning to share rooms?

No; they each have their own room.  Drake has yet to spend a night in his yet though.

How do you manage your home and take care of two babes?? Where do you get all the energy from?

Actually, my house is staying cleaner now that I’m home all the time and not working.  It isn’t too hard to find the time to keep it clean as long as JJ is around to watch whoever isn’t sleeping. I realized for the last 3+ months, I have only been getting sleep in increments of about 2-3 hours.  I was sleeping horribly during the last part of my pregnancy, and ever since Drake has been here, I've been getting up with him to nurse.  Believe it or not, I'm doing better than I thought with little sleep, but there are some days it hits me and I just get exhausted about halfway through.  I'm also ready for bed every night as soon as Chloe is asleep - not too many late night movies for JJ and I these days.

Were you ever scared you couldn't love another child as much as the first one? 

I was.  I even wrote a post about it here.  And I’m happy to report that fear went out the window as soon as Drake was placed on my chest.  There are even days when he is my “favorite” because he likes to cuddle, and can’t run away from me and act out.  It’s hard to describe, but for me it was like what everyone else said – there is totally room in my heart to love both of my kids immensely.

How are you and your spouse able to keep the spark (not sex) going when you are busy with both kids? 

This is something that is hard.  JJ is not a morning person, and on the days that the baby gets up early, I get up with him alone.  On the days we all sleep in, we usually all get up at the same time.  JJ usually uses Chloe’s nap time to go to the lake or I use it to run errands.  And then Chloe stays up so late at night that by the time she goes to bed, I am exhausted and wanting my head to hit the pillow as soon as her door closes.  We have gone on a couple dates which have been great.  I just wish we had more time at home alone together, like if Chloe were to go to bed earlier and we had each night to just lounge on the couch.

How do you and your hubby split the work? Does he mostly take over the older kid duties when he's home and on the weekends?

Yes, JJ mostly has Chloe duty and I have Drake duty, simply because he’s nursing.  JJ doesn’t work much, although he did get called into work for about two weeks straight which sucked because we had no warning and I was thrown into being home alone with both kids. 

I’d be interested to hear your answers to these questions if you have more than one child.  Are there other questions you have that I didn’t touch on?